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Your Vagina is Draining You of Your Money. We Tell You How

I have a vagina and no, you don't need proof. For the longest time I was under the impression that my state of penury was a direct consequence of:

1. My measly income

2. My decadent lifestyle (which includes tampons, deodorants, going to the parlour, eating organic/wholesome food and veggies, an occasional bottle of wine, and avoiding eating and drinking out. Also, home-grown skin and beauty products.)

3. Laxity in filing for office medical reimbursement

4. My groovy teeth, which have a life of their own and in spite of me brushing them twice daily, they more than welcome cavities and other dental problems.

5. Rent

6. Maid

Just for the record, I am seven months short of thirty. But recently I found out that my state of squalor is NOT my fault. It is, in fact, the fault of my temperamental, opinionated, extremely confusing 'Lady Flower.' And, thankfully, for the first time in my life, it is not an excuse (or a scapegoat) I conjured out of my thrift-shop bought second-hand hat. It is, apparently, a dilemma that women all over the world are facing/are going to face, and most don't even know it. Let's take you through it:

Your vagina is the reason you are underpaid.

Did you know that men and women are paid unequally in the world? And did you know that your vagina is the reason why most companies think it is only fair that you are paid less. Because, you know, paraya dhan . In the UK and the USA alone the pay gap goes up to 20 per cent. Let's not even get started about the developing world, where The Vajayjay is more than just misunderstood.

Your 'ladies' problem' comes with a luxury tax. And PMS.

The European Union recently came out with a luxury tax on female hygiene products such as tampons and sanitary pads, which was met with lots of protests . Not that they come cheap any where. Your monthly monster is an unending financial liability, and that too a painful one. So basically, you can either get rich, or let there be a blood bath in your pants. Let's not get us started on PMS and the shit that goes down handling it. Think painkillers and other medicines that zone or knock you out to keep menstrual issues at bay.

Bikini wax

It costs a fuck load of fucking dough. Go try it. And it hurts like a bitch ! Enough said. Not just that, but even a harmless visit to the salon can throw you back by a lot of cash with the tax that is levied on each service that is provided. Times like these make me want to throw stones at body image maligners. Hairy hoo-haa, you beautiful thing, you look great.

Getting nookie

As opposed to how men like to go about the nasty, women use all their faculties and not just one. Which is both good and bad. Good because it goes beyond the genitalia. Bad because they think. And sometimes those thoughts turn into paranoia: contraceptives, birth control, pregnancy, abortions, STDs, doctors, hospitals, MONEY! The worst is when the paranoia turns into reality, which it has for most in their lifetime. And that is when out goes your hard-earned moolah.

Abortions

Firstly, abortions are expensive. And if you happen to be a woman living in India, they are also taboo . Shit gets harder if you are single and looking for a doctor to help you terminate your pregnancy. So, if you get knocked up at some point in life, and if you don't want the baby, get ready to deal with difficult docs. And keep more than a couple of thousands handy. Not cool at all.

Yeast infections

And other itchy things that drive you insane down there. Researchers have proven that every woman goes through this fungal rite of passage at least once in her life. And that means extra expenses for treatment and tests. The rut is never ending.

Here's a video to give you more perspective:

Feature image source: stayathomemum.com

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